May 14, 2011

Today I looked at my husband and I saw disappointment in his eyes. He didn't say he was or act like he was. But I saw it. It was the same look I had this morning looking into the mirror. I have gained weight. Not alot. But more then a normal person does. Like 15 lbs in 2 mths. ???? Why? How? I can't control my binging. I justify it. There is a war in my head. Like a voice that constantly tells me it's ok to eat this, it's ok to eat what I want. But as the scale goes up I am starting to get panicky. I dont want to be that girl again. Did I not learn how to be healthy? I want to be a example to my kids. What am I teaching them?! I look in the mirror and I look puffy. Like a blow fish. I let myself down. I let my family, friends, and kids down.
People say I'm a inspiration. I get letters everyday telling me I inspired them to lose weight. I helped them. If I can do it they can too. I havnt made a YouTube video cause I can't face them. I know I'm having a pity party, lol. I need to stand back up and take back my success. I worked hard to get where I am. I deserve to stay. I need to focus and stop feeling sorry for myself.
I made a list. Things I need to do to get back on track. No more excuses. The scale will NOT go any higher. I'm going to be on plan 100% and EARN the right to get the letters I get. I did not come this far to fail. I am not the person to lose the weight and then gain it back.
I know my husband loves me with all his heart. I know he loves me no matter what I look like. But he couldn't hide that look. It breaks my heart that I have let myself slip this much. I just kept saying. "oh it's just 5 lbs. I can take it off in a week. " but I won't say that any more. I want to make my husband proud. And be that example for my kids. I'm taking me back!!!!!!!!!!
Some things I plan to change or do to get back on track:
Go to the gym and give it my ALL
Stop drinking diet coke and drink water
Plan what I'm gonna eat and stick to it
No bites. Track everything
Stay @ 1800 calories or less and @ 25 pts
Watch YouTube videos and be inspired
Stay busy, active. Focus on kids.
Less tv
Stop eating after 8pm
Eat every 2 hrs (to keep from getting hungry)
Focus on protein
Eat normal serving sizes
Eat dinner with family ( what they eat)
Take all my vitamins
So .... It's game time!