AND....the bad news is..... I have gained weight. I wish I could say it was from a medication, or because I had a baby....noooo, it was because of choice I MADE.
The old me, who I was always afraid would come out and control me, started to surface in December. I was struggling and I let my depression consume me. I was taking a seizure medication that could have helped me gain a little, but its very clear my food choices and activity level were to blame. Everyday i justified eating a little more or tasting something I shouldn't have. That lead to feeling guilty and not tracking because I didn't want to see my failures on paper. My medication made me tired, and I had excuse after excuse why I couldn't go to the gym. The number on the scale went up and up and up. I felt like a failure and stayed indoors. Away from people who would see me and KNOW I had gained. I finally just stopped caring for a while, knowing I was gaining. I was binging everyday. Soon my fat pants didn't fit, then ALL my clothes didn't fit. I had to buy clothes!
HOW did I get back to this place??? How did I become THIS person again.
I gained 70 lbs! I was 180 in December and sadly today i was 250lbs. I stared in the mirror today. I looked at the damage I caused. I am no longer proud of myself. This was self sabotage. All my hard work...gone. Im practically at where I started!! I LET the scale get to 250lbs. It hurts to even walk. My body gained weight SO fast it has been a shock to my body. My back, my joints, everything hurts from everyday movements. I have heart burn, and chest pain. I am ashamed at what I have done to myself. The rapid weight gain has put me at such high risk for so many health issues...including death. I did this. I cant answer why. I dont know. I just know IT HAS TO STOP!
Im done feeling sorry for myself. Done watching the scale go up. Done making excuses. Done eating horrible foods. Done binging. Done being lazy. Done not tracking. Done being a horrible example to my kids. Done being embarrassed and ashamed.DONE. I started WW points Plus today again. Starting going to the gym.(I do however still teach Zumba) I updated my Youtube channel and now my blog. I am going to hold myself accountable and get ME back. I gained 70 lbs in 6 mths. Lets hope it takes only 6 mths to lose it. :)
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