Monday, June 11, 2012
See...
Look at my poor ring!! My finger has muffin top!!! I just figured out how to upload posts from my IPhone. So I will be posting ALOT! :) about my journey with weight loss and my life.
First Post of the year...and some bad news..
AND....the bad news is..... I have gained weight. I wish I could say it was from a medication, or because I had a baby....noooo, it was because of choice I MADE.
The old me, who I was always afraid would come out and control me, started to surface in December. I was struggling and I let my depression consume me. I was taking a seizure medication that could have helped me gain a little, but its very clear my food choices and activity level were to blame. Everyday i justified eating a little more or tasting something I shouldn't have. That lead to feeling guilty and not tracking because I didn't want to see my failures on paper. My medication made me tired, and I had excuse after excuse why I couldn't go to the gym. The number on the scale went up and up and up. I felt like a failure and stayed indoors. Away from people who would see me and KNOW I had gained. I finally just stopped caring for a while, knowing I was gaining. I was binging everyday. Soon my fat pants didn't fit, then ALL my clothes didn't fit. I had to buy clothes!
HOW did I get back to this place??? How did I become THIS person again.
I gained 70 lbs! I was 180 in December and sadly today i was 250lbs. I stared in the mirror today. I looked at the damage I caused. I am no longer proud of myself. This was self sabotage. All my hard work...gone. Im practically at where I started!! I LET the scale get to 250lbs. It hurts to even walk. My body gained weight SO fast it has been a shock to my body. My back, my joints, everything hurts from everyday movements. I have heart burn, and chest pain. I am ashamed at what I have done to myself. The rapid weight gain has put me at such high risk for so many health issues...including death. I did this. I cant answer why. I dont know. I just know IT HAS TO STOP!
Im done feeling sorry for myself. Done watching the scale go up. Done making excuses. Done eating horrible foods. Done binging. Done being lazy. Done not tracking. Done being a horrible example to my kids. Done being embarrassed and ashamed.DONE. I started WW points Plus today again. Starting going to the gym.(I do however still teach Zumba) I updated my Youtube channel and now my blog. I am going to hold myself accountable and get ME back. I gained 70 lbs in 6 mths. Lets hope it takes only 6 mths to lose it. :)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
UPDATE!!!!! OCTOBER 28, 2011
Yessss... Your reading this right. Im updating!! I cannot believe Its been since JULY since I have updated. I accidently clicked on my blog and instead of closing the page...I decided to update it real quick. You, few but faith ful, deserve to know how i am. LOL
Sooooo lets see.... In July I had mentioned I was hoping to get Zumba certified in September. On September 19, 2011 I GOT ZUMBA CERTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a amazing day!! I did my training at 24 hr fitness in Santa Barbra and it was a all day event. I met lots of really cool people who, some of them, I still talk to on facebook. I think I smiled ALL day. Best day in a LONG time.
After I got certified as a Zumba instructor I started working at the YMCA. I teach my OWN Zumba class on Wednesdays!!! I LOVE IT!!! It is my favorite job! (besides being a mommy!)
I have also been working for weight watchers, which i have mentioned. :) Still working there and liking it. :)
I have had some hair changes, LOL I have had pink hair... and now currently black WHICH I LOVE!
I have also been trying to grow my hair out..but that has been a super slow process. I havnt cut it since the beginning of September...but i really cant see a difference. LOL
My weight has been up and down and up and down all summer. I have not written since July because I had a seizure and had my license taken and I have just been trying to find a schedule and a balance in my life that works with me and my kids. I have had seizures off and on since i was 16. 5 of them in total and this is the 2nd time my license was taken. Probably not getting it back. (My choice, and doctors suggestion) because of my kids. My disorder is called breakthrough seizure disorder.
A breakthrough seizure is an epileptic seizure that occurs, despite the use of anticonvulsants that have otherwise successfully prevented seizures in the patient. Breakthrough seizures may be more dangerous than non-breakthrough seizures because they may be less expected by the patient, who already considered him/herself free from seizures and therefore, not take any precautions.
Epileptics with a higher intensity of seizures are more likely to suffer from a breakthrough seizure.
Often when a breakthrough seizure occurs in a person whose seizures have always been well-controlled, there is a new underlying cause to the seizure. (My seizures are caused by stress and pain my doctor said)
So I am now on 2 diffrent meds and trying to get around with 4 kids and no car. LOL
At first I let this situation become a reason to not count my points and not care what i ate and stress eat. OH YES!!! I forgot...during all of this fun stuff...i was also taken off my depression medications and ADD meds. (If you have watched my youtube videos you know about that) BECAUSE, I have been having issues for about 10 years with my medications. They work, they dont. Im crazy. Im up. Im done. I go on the meds. I take myself off cause they dont work..bla bla bla. Wellll, finally my doctor decided to look up where i was diagnosed (I told him i had seen 4 physiotherapists over the course of 2 yrs and was diagnosed clinical depressed 11 yrs ago) WELL NO I WASNT> LOL I had misunderstood ( I was only 18 at the time) and I was diagnosed MANIC DEPRESSIVE. Which is Bi polar disorder. Yaaaaa........ As much as I HATE to admit it. It made sense and after getting off the meds that were doing more harm then helping and getting on better ones. I feel so much better. *SIGH*
So...that was my summer. I have my 2 dream jobs. I had 2 health issues, that at first dragged me down...and I gained 20 lbs...Yes I did. BUT then I stood up, and took my life back and as of this morning i am 179.8lbs. Weight watcher goal is 176lbs So I am almost there. LOL Everyday i have to make a choice not to let things drag me down. This is for life.
I HAD MY 2 YEAR WEIGHT WATCHER ANNIVERSARY ON AUGUST 31,2011 STILL MAINTAING MY LOSS OF 110LBS ON WW. But, I am giving myself credit for ALL my weight lost now, whether on WW or not. SO from 317lb....I have lost 137.4lbs *HAPPY DANCE*
Also I reconnected with my best friend over the Summer and we are closer then EVER! Im so happy to have a friend like her. AND, she has lost 58lbs since April 6, 2011 (My bday) LOL YAY, MICHELLE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
Thanks for the support!!!!
Sooooo lets see.... In July I had mentioned I was hoping to get Zumba certified in September. On September 19, 2011 I GOT ZUMBA CERTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a amazing day!! I did my training at 24 hr fitness in Santa Barbra and it was a all day event. I met lots of really cool people who, some of them, I still talk to on facebook. I think I smiled ALL day. Best day in a LONG time.
After I got certified as a Zumba instructor I started working at the YMCA. I teach my OWN Zumba class on Wednesdays!!! I LOVE IT!!! It is my favorite job! (besides being a mommy!)
I have also been working for weight watchers, which i have mentioned. :) Still working there and liking it. :)
I have had some hair changes, LOL I have had pink hair... and now currently black WHICH I LOVE!
I have also been trying to grow my hair out..but that has been a super slow process. I havnt cut it since the beginning of September...but i really cant see a difference. LOLMy weight has been up and down and up and down all summer. I have not written since July because I had a seizure and had my license taken and I have just been trying to find a schedule and a balance in my life that works with me and my kids. I have had seizures off and on since i was 16. 5 of them in total and this is the 2nd time my license was taken. Probably not getting it back. (My choice, and doctors suggestion) because of my kids. My disorder is called breakthrough seizure disorder.
A breakthrough seizure is an epileptic seizure that occurs, despite the use of anticonvulsants that have otherwise successfully prevented seizures in the patient. Breakthrough seizures may be more dangerous than non-breakthrough seizures because they may be less expected by the patient, who already considered him/herself free from seizures and therefore, not take any precautions.
Epileptics with a higher intensity of seizures are more likely to suffer from a breakthrough seizure.
Often when a breakthrough seizure occurs in a person whose seizures have always been well-controlled, there is a new underlying cause to the seizure. (My seizures are caused by stress and pain my doctor said)
So I am now on 2 diffrent meds and trying to get around with 4 kids and no car. LOL
At first I let this situation become a reason to not count my points and not care what i ate and stress eat. OH YES!!! I forgot...during all of this fun stuff...i was also taken off my depression medications and ADD meds. (If you have watched my youtube videos you know about that) BECAUSE, I have been having issues for about 10 years with my medications. They work, they dont. Im crazy. Im up. Im done. I go on the meds. I take myself off cause they dont work..bla bla bla. Wellll, finally my doctor decided to look up where i was diagnosed (I told him i had seen 4 physiotherapists over the course of 2 yrs and was diagnosed clinical depressed 11 yrs ago) WELL NO I WASNT> LOL I had misunderstood ( I was only 18 at the time) and I was diagnosed MANIC DEPRESSIVE. Which is Bi polar disorder. Yaaaaa........ As much as I HATE to admit it. It made sense and after getting off the meds that were doing more harm then helping and getting on better ones. I feel so much better. *SIGH*
So...that was my summer. I have my 2 dream jobs. I had 2 health issues, that at first dragged me down...and I gained 20 lbs...Yes I did. BUT then I stood up, and took my life back and as of this morning i am 179.8lbs. Weight watcher goal is 176lbs So I am almost there. LOL Everyday i have to make a choice not to let things drag me down. This is for life.
I HAD MY 2 YEAR WEIGHT WATCHER ANNIVERSARY ON AUGUST 31,2011 STILL MAINTAING MY LOSS OF 110LBS ON WW. But, I am giving myself credit for ALL my weight lost now, whether on WW or not. SO from 317lb....I have lost 137.4lbs *HAPPY DANCE*
Also I reconnected with my best friend over the Summer and we are closer then EVER! Im so happy to have a friend like her. AND, she has lost 58lbs since April 6, 2011 (My bday) LOL YAY, MICHELLE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
update.!!!
Sooooooo I posted a YouTube video,about a week ago, but I'll update here too. :-)I am doing the new ww program. I figure since I work for them then I should do the new program. It's actually going quite well! It is becoming alot easier. As long as i take time to cook. Lol I'm just so excited to be where I'm at in my life. As of July 12th I have maintained over 100 lbs lost for a whole year!!!! Im so happy to say that. Even Though I am not at my personal goal I am doing amazing at keeping the weight off, even if it is hard some days. I know I will always struggle, but it is so worth it. :-) So........ today something exciting happened today! I TAUGHT MY VERY FIRST ZUMBA CLASS!!!!!!! It was a whole hour and I made the routine for 7 of the 15 songs. I was so nervous. I was asked to sub on Friday. I practiced all day for 3 days. So worth it. It was such a awesome experience. I'll be( hopefully) getting zumba certified on September 24 th. That is if I can find a way to pay for it. Anyway.... there's my update!!!
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