Well it's been awhile!!

Hey guys! It's been a while I haven't written in a long time and it's mostly because I haven't wanted to devote myself to losing weight. I know that sounds really bad but it's the truth. I've had a hard time lately. We have moved. We have moved from California to Utah where I am currently. I have been lonely and depressed and sad and friendless. I have eaten my feelings. I am stuck inside all day with my two youngest kids because of the cold and the snow. So I have eaten a lot of crap and watch a lot of TV and not done anything else. I am sad to look in the mirror and see the person that I have become now. The person that I used to be before i lost all my weight. I am up to 270 now and I haven't tried to actually lose weight for more than two days since we moved. I have been in a horrible funk.

But I have good news!!! I have finally decided to confront who are turned into!! We as a family have joined the gym and all last week I have gone almost every day. It's so nice to actually get out of the house and be active and it felt so good.
I will be starting weight watchers again and going to the gym and I will get this weight off I am determined now more than ever!!!

My confession......

I just wrote a whole post and blogger deleted it. I'm so mad! I wrote about how I've gained weight and that's why I'm not updating anything I'm sad to admit my failure. I am at a 85 pounds gain. I'm embarrassed and ashamed and so upset at myself for what has happened to me. I am 25 pounds away from my starting weight in 2009 when I started Weight Watchers. I honestly don't know what happened. I said that I would never gain the weight back ever. And that's exactly what happened. So I'm here admitting what has happened. I'm here writing down my confession.

My seizure medicine makes me so tired. I have just given up on everything. I I gained some weight and I thought I could take it off easily and then it was more and more and more and then it was so much that I knew I couldn't take it off easily and I didn't know how to get back to where I was.

I have stopped caring about myself. Completely. If it wasn't for my kids mostly my daughter, I think id be giving up forever. But my daughter is just like me....and as im gaining so is she. We both gained soooo much during the summer.
Ive gained 85lbs!!!!!!! Im at 265....I feel like the worst mom in the whole f-ING World.

I have let EVERYONE down. My husband, family, kids, friends, and people that have looked to me for support and inspiration. Im embrassed and quite honestly dont want to live anymore like this.

I have to change. I want to be that mom i was. A role model. Healthy. Fun. I dont want to hide in my house from the world and feel embrassed and ashamed.

So I'm back to weight watchers. I always said it was a life long thing. You do it forever. I am starting tomorrow ( since its almost midnight) lol I'm getting back to where I was. And its going to take FOREVER. :( but its something I have to do. Not only did I gain a massive amount and set the wrong example for my kids...but I have really bad health issues with my gain. Baaaad ones. Like high blood pressure, back pain, headaches, heart burn, leg numbness, and the worst is hip and leg pain. I teach zumba...still do that!!! But the weight gain has caused stress fractures in my shins from jumping and the extra sudden weight I've put on them. So teaching, or even walking, is so painful!!!!!! I'm living on pain meds and tums. :( I have to get back my healthy life.

So I'm writing my confession...for accountability and for my own record. I've become the fat April again. I don't want to stay here. I can't.......

A little update....

Soooo it's with my head hanging in shame that I report.... There has been no change. None at all. Quite possibly a gain. I am ashamed. And I have now had the third person so Rudely as me how I got fat again. In different words, but meaning the same. *sigh* This is the worst feeling..... EVER. I don't want to live this way. So why can't I get on track!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????


I feel so lazy and tired. I KNOW it's because of what I'm eating. It's affecting the whole family in such a negative way. I am hurting my family. Myself. And my relationship with my husband. He accepts me how I am regardless of size. But I am so self conscious I don't let him near me :(

I need to lose this weight. It's so scary to see how easy and fast it was to gain......

Crappy update.....

Soooo it is time to give my weekly update. I failed to upload my weekly YouTube video. I just don't know what to say to anyone! "Guess what guys?!? I GAINED. Again." Nooo. I hate saying those words. Or even typing them! So I THINK I was 243.2 last week. This week I am 244.6. I am STILL on my period. I was on 1 wk then off 1 wk and then have been on for about 3 wks!!! Not happy. However I know it's from my weight gain. Just another reason I need to lose this weight!

I have had a good week despite my gain, for reasons unknown. I have exercised 5 times and stayed on track 5 out of 6 days. I made a chart that helps me, I'll blog about that later.

So.....I am frustrated. I'm not losing like I thought I would. At all. Exercising is so hard. Like seriously painful to even hop..... 1 time!!!! I feel like I'm 80yrs old. I'm just in shock at how I got this way and how long it will take to get better. Everyday is a freaking horrible exhausting struggle. Exhausting! I have never had to try this hard! Every second i want to cry and throw my hands up. I feel like I'm giving it my all, and not getting anything back.

I feel like giving up.... Living has become so hard. The pain, the weight, the struggle, being so unhappy it hurts. Living like this is not living. I'm existing. My quality of life is so bad. It needs to change. Not just my weight, or my health. But my social life (or serious lack of), and my weight gain and how i feel about it has put a strain on my relationship with my husband. I need to continue this journey and struggle on. Feeling this way should make me have a fire in me like I did before! Where is it?! I want to enjoy my life and enjoy my kids without health concerns. My 4 year old has been having nightmares that I die. Breaks my heart to know even my kids are concerned about me.

I can barley move around because of health reasons and I can see the look in my 8yr old daughters eyes that kills me "what happened to you, Mommy?"
I, above all, want to be a good example to my kids. On how to live healthy and be happy. I can see how my habits now have affected my kids. My 8yr old is JUST like me. In the fact that she likes to eat good food and not get in any activity. I changed those habits and got healthy and she had followed me....but I went back to my old ways....and she followed. I NEED to fix all of this. I NEED to be a example. I just wish this struggle wasn't so exhausting. I am so drained. But if it was easy, everyone would do it. :)

I'm on week 7. I have lost......1 lb. !?!? That is not right. I want to give up. But I can't. I won't. I wrote this today to put how I feel out there. To see it in words. I have no one I can talk to. No one. So this is me, venting. Now I will pull up my big girl panties and...struggle on...... :)

A Day I'll Remember Forever....

Soooo I got up the courage to finally go to my old Zumba class tonight. The one where I know almost everyone. See, I teach Zumba in the mornings and not very many get up early to go. I average 10-12. The one I went to tonight has more then 30 people. People that haven't seen me in 6 mths. I was sooooo scared to go. Knowing everyone would see I gained weight. And ALOT of it at that.

I walked in and everyone was really nice. Then I saw someone across the room that I know and she gave me a look. A look that made me want to run home. She practically ran across the gym and looked me in the eyes and said "what the hell happened to you!?! Why are you SO....puffy!? How much have you gained????" seeing that I was shocked, and embarrassed she added " I love you girl, but this is unacceptable. I'm honest. Because I care. Now what happened??" so I told her why I had gained weight. How I have been eating bad, not exercising and avoiding the gym. She hugged me and said "we all love you and support you and glad you are back. Now let's get rid of this puffiness!!!" I had to smile. She was the first friend that had been honest with me. Most of the people I know say, oh you dont look like you gained. Or, you still look great. But she was the first to say "DAMN!!!! What happened???!" I actually needed that. I needed to know that others DO see my "puffiness". That I look horribly overweight and I HAVE lost my way.

She hurt my feelings at first and I swear I was going to cry right there in the middle of the gym, but I quickly realized she cares enough to hold me accountable for my actions and to make sure I become healthy again. I'll never forget this day.

So true!!!!!

See...

Look at my poor ring!! My finger has muffin top!!! I just figured out how to upload posts from my IPhone. So I will be posting ALOT! :) about my journey with weight loss and my life.

I'm back on track, people!!!

Be scared...be very scared. Lol

First Post of the year...and some bad news..

Welllllll, this seems to be my first post of this year!!! I apologize for how long it has been!! We got a dog...and a cat. ^ Alice is our kitty, and Roxie is our adorable dog. Both are 9mth old now. They are besties! They make me so happy!! :) 

AND....the bad news is..... I have gained weight. I wish I could say it was from a medication, or because I had a baby....noooo, it was because of choice I MADE. 

 The old me, who I was always afraid would come out and control me, started to surface in December. I was struggling and I let my depression consume me. I was taking a seizure medication that could have helped me gain a little, but its very clear my food choices and activity level were to blame. Everyday i justified eating a little more or tasting something I shouldn't have. That lead to feeling guilty and not tracking because I didn't want to see my failures on paper. My medication made me tired, and I had excuse after excuse why I couldn't go to the gym. The number on the scale went up and up and up. I felt like a failure and stayed indoors. Away from people who would see me and KNOW I had gained. I finally just stopped caring for a while, knowing I was gaining. I was binging everyday. Soon my fat pants didn't fit, then ALL my clothes didn't fit. I had to buy clothes!
 HOW did I get back to this place??? How did I become THIS person again.

I gained 70 lbs! I was 180 in December and sadly today i was 250lbs. I stared in the mirror today. I looked at the damage I caused. I am no longer proud of myself. This was self sabotage. All my hard work...gone. Im practically at where I started!! I LET the scale get to 250lbs. It hurts to even walk. My body gained weight SO fast it has been a shock to my body. My back, my joints, everything hurts from everyday movements. I have heart burn, and chest pain. I am ashamed at what I have done to myself. The rapid weight gain has put me at such high risk for so many health issues...including death. I did this. I cant answer why. I dont know. I just know IT HAS TO STOP!

Im done feeling sorry for myself. Done watching the scale go up. Done making excuses. Done eating horrible foods. Done binging. Done being lazy. Done not tracking. Done being a horrible example to my kids. Done being embarrassed and ashamed.DONE. I started WW points Plus today again. Starting going to the gym.(I do however still teach Zumba)  I updated my Youtube channel and now my blog. I am going to hold myself accountable and get ME back. I gained 70 lbs in 6 mths. Lets hope it takes only 6 mths to lose it. :)

My HAIR... LOL

I'm coming back to YouTube!!

UPDATE!!!!! OCTOBER 28, 2011

Yessss... Your reading this right. Im updating!! I cannot believe Its been since JULY since I have updated.  I accidently clicked on my blog and instead of closing the page...I decided to update it real quick. You, few but faith ful, deserve to know how i am. LOL

Sooooo lets see.... In July I had mentioned I was hoping to get Zumba certified in September. On September 19, 2011 I GOT ZUMBA CERTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a amazing day!! I did my training at 24 hr fitness in Santa Barbra and it was a all day event. I met lots of really cool people who, some of them, I still talk to on facebook. I think I smiled ALL day. Best day in a LONG time.

After I got certified as a Zumba instructor I started working at the YMCA. I teach my OWN Zumba class on Wednesdays!!! I LOVE IT!!! It is my favorite job! (besides being a mommy!)

I have also been working for weight watchers, which i have mentioned. :) Still working there and liking it. :)

I have had some hair changes, LOL I have had pink hair... and now currently black WHICH I LOVE!

I have also been trying to grow my hair out..but that has been a super slow process. I havnt cut it since the beginning of September...but i really cant see a difference. LOL



My weight has been up and down and up and down all summer. I have not written since July because I had a seizure and had my license taken and I have just been trying to find a schedule and a balance in my life that works with me and my kids. I have had seizures off and on since i was 16. 5 of them in total and this is the 2nd time my license was taken. Probably not getting it back. (My choice, and doctors suggestion) because of my kids. My disorder is called breakthrough seizure disorder.
A breakthrough seizure is an epileptic seizure that occurs, despite the use of anticonvulsants that have otherwise successfully prevented seizures in the patient. Breakthrough seizures may be more dangerous than non-breakthrough seizures because they may be less expected by the patient, who already considered him/herself free from seizures and therefore, not take any precautions.
Epileptics with a higher intensity of seizures are more likely to suffer from a breakthrough seizure.
Often when a breakthrough seizure occurs in a person whose seizures have always been well-controlled, there is a new underlying cause to the seizure. (My seizures are caused by stress and pain my doctor said)
So I am now on 2 diffrent meds and trying to get around with 4 kids and no car. LOL



At first I let this situation become a reason to not count my points and not care what i ate and stress eat. OH YES!!! I forgot...during all of this fun stuff...i was also taken off my depression medications and ADD meds. (If you have watched my youtube videos you know about that) BECAUSE, I have been having issues for about 10 years with my medications. They work, they dont. Im crazy. Im up. Im done. I go on the meds. I take myself off cause they dont work..bla bla bla. Wellll, finally my doctor decided to look up where i was diagnosed (I told him i had seen 4 physiotherapists over the course of 2 yrs and was diagnosed clinical depressed 11 yrs ago) WELL NO I WASNT> LOL I had misunderstood ( I was only 18 at the time) and I was diagnosed MANIC DEPRESSIVE. Which is Bi polar disorder.  Yaaaaa........ As much as I HATE to admit it. It made sense and after getting off the meds that were doing more harm then helping and getting on better ones. I feel so much better. *SIGH*





So...that was my summer. I have my 2 dream jobs. I had 2 health issues, that at first dragged me down...and  I gained 20 lbs...Yes I did. BUT then I stood up, and took my life back and as of this morning i am 179.8lbs. Weight watcher goal is 176lbs So I am almost there. LOL Everyday i have to make a choice not to let things drag me down. This is for life.


I HAD MY 2 YEAR WEIGHT WATCHER ANNIVERSARY ON AUGUST 31,2011 STILL MAINTAING MY LOSS OF 110LBS ON WW. But, I am giving myself credit for ALL my weight lost now, whether on WW or not. SO from 317lb....I have lost 137.4lbs *HAPPY DANCE*


 Also I reconnected with my best friend over the Summer and we are closer then EVER! Im so happy to have a friend like her. AND, she has lost 58lbs since April 6, 2011 (My bday) LOL YAY, MICHELLE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

Thanks for the support!!!!

update.!!!

Sooooooo I posted a YouTube video,about a week ago, but I'll update here too. :-)I am doing the new ww program. I figure since I work for them then I should do the new program. It's actually going quite well! It is becoming alot easier. As long as i take time to cook. Lol I'm just so excited to be where I'm at in my life. As of July 12th I have maintained over 100 lbs lost for a whole year!!!! Im so happy to say that. Even Though I am not at my personal goal I am doing amazing at keeping the weight off, even if it is hard some days. I know I will always struggle, but it is so worth it. :-) So........ today something exciting happened today! I TAUGHT MY VERY FIRST ZUMBA CLASS!!!!!!! It was a whole hour and I made the routine for 7 of the 15 songs. I was so nervous. I was asked to sub on Friday. I practiced all day for 3 days. So worth it. It was such a awesome experience. I'll be( hopefully) getting zumba certified on September 24 th. That is if I can find a way to pay for it. Anyway.... there's my update!!!

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I GOT HIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had my interview with Weight Watchers on Wednesday. It went really well. At the end she said, "Well right now i would like to offer you the postion. Do you want to go home and think about our offer? " UH...NO!!! I ACCEPT!!!!!!!! I am a WW employee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I am so happy. When I started WW almost 2 yrs ago I never thought this would happen. Even though it was my dream! Its super part time. It wont really make us any extra income, but that doesnt matter to me. I would voluteer if I had to! Its so crazy that she offered me the job right there. She also wants me to be a leader, but as of now I am unable to do the training required. I would need to go somewhere, possibly fly, for 3 days of all day training. With my kids being so young I dont think its possible. She told me whenever I felt it was the right time to let her know. She was incredibly nice and I am soooo proud to say I work for WW. I truly believe in their plan and how it changes lives and Im so excited to be apart of it!!! Now...if I could only get my OTHER dream job!! I want to work at our local YMCA. I do STILL want to teach Zumba, maybe SOMEDAY that will still happen, and Id like to work in Child watch. Then I can take my kids to work with me.
*SIGH*
Im so happy!!!!!!!!!!
AND....I was nervous about my weight since I am over my lifetime goal. BUT.....ON my interview day the scale said 177!!! IM BACK AT LIFETIME! And just in time to weigh in for the month. LOL I really think this job will help motivate me to keep losing and encourage me to maintain better. :) I want to be a good representitive for them!!!!

YAY!!!

So frustrated!!

I feel....like I am the ONLY one who goes through what i am going through!! I hate looking in the mirror. I dont see what others see. I see someone who needs to lose weight and cant seem to do it. I see a chubby face, saggy skin, and a bloated stomach. Why cant I seem to be happy with being almost HALF the size i was?! Why does it seem I was HAPPIER being big? *GASP* Did I just write that?!? Yes, yes I did.
I hate feeling...lost. I dont know who i am supposed to be. I dont know how happy Im ALOUD to feel about my weight loss before its taken as being conceited.So I choose to act like its no big deal, and I started to believe it.
 I no longer look in the mirror and say WOW, I cannot beileiev how small my arms are! I now say, omg look at that hanging skin. Its so disgusting. I no longer go into my closet and get excited over my clothing options. I HAVE OPTIONS NOW! Instead I take a long time deciding on what jacket to wear to cover my arms and stomach.
I weighed in Monday at 181.2lbs. The week before i was like 186.8 or something. So I had a great loss. HOWEVER this week I seemed to have a hard time. I ate way more and after i got on the scale today (SATURDAY) and it said 181.6lbs I said"WTH?!" and decided to eat what I want today.BAD IDEA!!!!!! Which turned into Pizza, cookies, hamburgers, and cake (sons bday). I KNOW Ill be up at LEAST 5 lbs tomorrow. And it will take a WHOLE WEEK to get it back down. I have to weigh in with WW by the end of the Mth and I cannot be over 178lbs. I also have my interview on Wednesday with WW. Im so screwed. I truly hate that I cannot seem to lose weight like I was. I maintained in the 170's for a year. Now Im in the 180's?! Oh heck no!!!! I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to be where I was at the beginning of March. i saw 167! Iam back to my BMI being overweight. And as i type those words i cry. I have one good week, then one bad week. I am in a HUGE rut. I got the exercise DOWN. BTW.......... I ran 8miles...yes 8MILES on Wednesday. My time was 85:33 min I was so FREAKING HAPPY. Then on Friday (yesterday I tried to run again and BARLEY made it to 4miles. So disappointed. Here is my first 10K time!!

I hate being in my head. One min Im happy, the next Im not. My kids have to go on this roller coaster with me and I hate how it affects them. Its selfish. I went to a get together with some friends. I barley talked to anyone.I sat there and I KNOW I looked so stupid. I couldnt get over the fact that I was the LARGEST person there. AND, they were all eating the desserts with no worries!!! I knew if I had one cookie Id gain (YES I WOULD) and the terrible guilt Id feel would last for days. I HATE THIS. My husband said these body issues are causing issues with us. I know they are. I just want to be proud of myself. I dont want to KILL myself in the gym and eat and eat at home. WHY CANT I EAT NORMALLY!? Why cant I continue to lose weight?!?!? 20lbs to lose and I cant even lose 5lbs!

I feel better for venting, PLEASE dont tell me how disappointed you are in me for not being proud of myself. You arent me. I dont CHOOSE too feel this way. And Im not ALWAYS like this. Im just having a moment.....
I WAS proud of myself. I need to get back there. When I was on track all the time. there never was a CHOICE for me. I was proud, and happy of my weightloss. I want to look in the mirror and see what others do. I feel like for the rest of my life, everyday, i will have to deal with trying to lose weight. I dont know why i gain so easily. So frustrating. I hate when people say, "You didnt gain it all in a week, so why do you except to lose it in a week?" UH, YES I DID GAIN IT IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!! LOL

Oh well, back on track for me tomorrow. I REALLY hope the scale doesnt hate me tomorrow so much. i DO deserve a gain though...*SMH*

Weigh in 93 NO EXCUSES!!!

Sooooo there will be no weigh in tomorrow. Its that time of month and I know I am up. Getting on the scale will just upset me more. I weighed myself yesterday and I was 186.6 . That's up 5.4 lbs!!! Plus I over ate today and had a crappy day. Sooooo for this weigh in we will go with 186.6 .
I have decided to recommit myself to my weight loss journey. I was anxious to get out of the 170's and now I'm in the 180's. I used to say there are NO excuses. I never gave in. I stayed stronge. Never cheated myself. Worked hard. Now I seem to use EVERY excuse possible and I keep gaining. I keep imagining where I'd be IF I would have stayed on track. IF I stayed focused. I keep watching these girls on YouTube that I look up to and asking myself why can't I be like them. I USED to be like them. What happened. The girls that inspire me are losingrebecca, bandedwendy, and 1healthierheather. They have the DRIVE that I want. The NO excuses. Their journey is the number one thing for them and they are proud of what they have accomplished. I want that. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Idk why. But starting tomorrow, I'm going to treat myself right. No excuses. I deserve to be proud of myself. And get rid of this fat girl in my head that keeps telling me I'm a failure and ill never be like them. Because I am like them, I have just stopped treating myself the way I deserve to be treated. I am back!!
NO EXCUSES!!!!!!!!
I have 12 weeks til my 2 years on weight watchers. I want to lose at least 20 lbs by then. I am challenging myself to stay completely on track for 12 wks and in those 12 weeks find who I was a few mths ago. I really want to be that way again. Stronge. Commited. And proud.


Oh!!!! I have a interview with WEIGHT WATCHERS on June 22!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!

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weigh in 91

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Sunday Weigh In for Week 90 on WW

I weighed in Sunday at :

                                  184.2 lbs
                                    -2.6 lbs
Starting weight : 289.6lbs
Last week...  186.8lbs
This week... 184.2 lbs (-2.6lbs)
A total loss of 105.4 lbs

Im back on track! I wish my weight gain could just go away and I was back in the 170's again, but thats not how it works. I just need to focous this week and make good choices. I would LOVE to be 179 next Sunday!!! Is that possible?!  5.2 lbs. I bet I can if I work hard! But if I dont reach that goal oh well, as long as I tried my hardest........

"ONLY DO TODAY WHAT YOU CAN DO FOREVER!"

So, you can just disregard my last post! LOL I have learned ONE important lesson about myself. Someone on youtube was kind enough to remind me of it this weekend. I have a saying that I have lived by through this whole weight loss experience,
"ONLY DO TODAY WHAT YOU CAN DO FOREVER!"

I truly believe I stopped losing weight when I stopped living by this. I was in such a hurry to GET TO GOAL, that I started trying to get there FASTER. I started counting calories along with my points, then carbs, then cutting out certain foods, uping my exercise, lowering calories, taking laxatives, using direutics, and so on. I started doing all this last August, when i reached 100lbs lost and a year on WW. I stopped remembering why Im doing all this and all I thought about was losing the rest as soon as possible. I was unhappy, withdrew from people, and researched weight loss all the time. I started eating foods i didnt like and....I STARTED BINGING!!!

I have learned, I can not cut things out or tell myself i cant have something. Becasue that will be all i want. Then Ill binge. Its a horrible cycle. I need to refocus myself and go back to how i was...

"ONLY DO TODAY WHAT YOU CAN DO FOREVER!"  


That was the only way I was able to lose weight and get this far. I need to stop and follow my own advice. No more obsessing. No more cutting things out. Only creating a way to live for the rest of my life. Creating habits that i can do forever. Slowly. It doesnt matter WHEN I get to goal. It matters HOW I get there. In a healthy way. There is no going off plan...because its not a plan, its my lifestyle. 

 Exercise has never been a issue for me. i love it. I exercise even when I eat bad. Exercise is a part of my life, I enjoy it and look forward to it. I need to focus on doing the same with food. Eating a certain way, forever. So I wont be cutting foods out. I need to learn to deal with my issues with food. Cutting things out just makes me want them more and causes me to binge. 

I hate when i say Im going to do something and then change my mind. I feel like Im lost and have no idea what I need to do. I know everything I need to know to lose weight. I just need to stick with what works. :) I have maintained my 100lb weight loss for almost a year now. I am so proud of that. I need to remember how far I have come and not worry so much about how fast i get to goal.  


 

Hi, My name is April and I am a compulsive over eater....

I am tired...SO tired of my war with food. EVERYDAY I fight with myself about food. My thoughts seem to focus on food.
'How many points?' 'How many calories?' 'Its just ONE cookie!' 'A diet coke will help you feel full.' 'You have lost so much weight, what is one days to enjoy all the food you want!' 'Its just pizza! You wont gain all your weight back!' 'You can start over tomorrow.' 'Eat everything you want, casue tomorrow we get strict!' 'Ill just eat less tomorrow.' 'Ill exercise more.' 'JUST ONE BITE!' 'I exercised today, I deserve it!' 'I dont want to deprive myself.' 'Im so upset, it will make me feel better!''Just this one time!'
I feel like Im the only one who deals with this. How can others lose weight and not have such a struggle with food! WHY cant I just be NORMAL!!! I hate obsessing over this!

 I had a bad day today....I have no excuses. I have NO idea WHY I over eat...or binge. I do know its a problem and I NEED to fix it now before I gain weight.
I was thinking...WHAT are my trigger foods? I have 3.
My number 1 is COOKIES. 

 Small cookies, big cookies, chocolate, sugar, oatmeal, store bought, bakery, hard, soft...you name it...I will eat just about ANY type of cookie...and then i want MORE.....
Number 2 is peanut butter. I just cant have a serving...I want to eat it all...
Number 3  BREAD. I LOVE bread. I cant seem to commit to the new WW program (points plus) because I cant eat bread AS MUCH as I would like to.


I have talked to a nutritionist an she says the reason I crave PB is because Im not getting enough fat or protein in my diet. SO TRUE!
I think I have a issue with cookies because of SUGAR. And bread because of FLOUR.

So, as I was thinking (and have been thinking for awhile) I am a addict. The only way to fix my binging is to be ABSTINENT. Since I have pin pointed what I need to eliminate it seems I need to be abstinent from SUGAR AND FLOUR.
I have been contemplating this for a while, but I always have a problem when I cut foods out...I seem to binge on them. So as much as I want to give up flour and sugar...it may be years before i do completly. I may start making small goals. Like this week..NO COOKIES. :)

"My name is April, and I am a compulsive over eater...."